Doesn’t it make you mad when you phone a company to query an account or make a payment and they ask you a list of security questions about yourself? and then tell you you have failed!
“What have I got wrong about myself?” I asked a very nice lady the other day. I know it’s not my age, inside leg measurement or mother’s maiden name, could it be my work phone number as the BBC has several?
“I’m sorry we can’t tell you” came the reply.
“No but you can take a ?1000 payment off me can’t you?”
“Yes.”
Ludicrous.
Archive for May, 2011
SOAP BOX
Sunday, May 29th, 2011LAST WILL & TESTAMENT
Sunday, May 29th, 2011Right up there in the fun stakes with cervical smears and doing the yearly accounts comes making a will. I leave it to him, he leaves it to me, in the event that we both die together in some freak accident the youngest is deemed to be the survivor!!!
Not only do you have to take into consideration who you leave it to but also what happens to it if THEY die. It’s like doing your family tree I’ve had to make a list of names of relatives I barely know incase everyone is wiped out. Just like looking into those infinity mirrors.
And it’s the first time in my entire life I’ve heard the word “testatrix” (female will maker) My only moment of enjoyment in the whole tedious experience was imagining that would make my husband the testaticle – sadly not. No wonder so many people leave it all to their cat. If Eddie wasn’t looking so ropey it might be an idea certainly a lot easier!
CANAPES AND CARS
Sunday, May 29th, 2011Regular readers of this column will know I have a love/hate affair with miniature nibbles and cars… but throw in diamonds and champagne and I can be persuaded to look more than a little interested!
The “family firm” recently put on great evening in conjunction with Aston Martin and Panasonic. Aston Martin unveiled their new ‘baby’ the Cygnet their eco-friendly answer to urban living – their luxury city car. Overheard one wag say “It’s basically a £30,000 bumper sticker that says ‘my other car is another Aston Martin.’”
I was too busy cramming miniature fish cakes in my mouth to sit in it ..considering the amount of chilli jam dripping off my chin I thought it best not to slip into the passenger seat – literally.
MY OWN THEME TUNE
Sunday, May 29th, 2011Ed Welch is a lovely unassuming man who has been described as the most prolific writer of TV themes. He was responsible for Blockbusters, Catchphrase and The National Lottery, worked for years with Spike Milligan and Jim Henson and wrote the film theme for the Robert Powell version of The 39 Steps but my abiding memory of him is sitting at the drums in a studio at Television South West in a grey T-shirt with Judi written in pink glitter across his chest singing:
“Judi what a privilege it is to sit beside you,
Judi I prayed for this for years,
Judi, there’s do much I’d like to know about you,
For example is it Spiers or Speers?”
I interviewed Ed recently about his one-man show at the Flavel in Dartmouth, not sure if he included this song in it or wore the T-shirt!
Eddie
Sunday, May 29th, 2011Just as I was settling in to enjoy 2011 it happened. The moment I have dreaded since he came into my life as a tiny black feral kitten 11 years ago – Eddie was knocked over. My Eddie bane of every rabbit, vole and stoat in the vicinity came up against something that didn’t play dead! Now like most of us I’ve lost parents and friends and relatives, and of course it?s dreadful it knocks the stuffing out of but there’s something about a pet. I think it’s because they never seem to grow up they’re always children to you – helpless little things who can?t even tell you where it hurts.
Thankfully he is still with us but boy have we found a raft of other problems. He’s got an under-active thyroid, high blood pressure and a lump that “could” be cancerous on his back!!! This means an awful lot of medication..and you know what it’s like to give a cat a pill. Actually jam it in a ball of cheese and he’ll gobble anything down – except that the thyroid pill (smaller that a paracetamol) has to be cut into, wait for it, 8! So at 6.30 every morning like some drug dealer cutting her stash I can be found grinding pills between two spoons and wrapping the powder in cellophane wraps!
I hope he appreciates it.